


Loved and Lost

by WinterSky101



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Character Study, Child Neglect, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Divorce, F/F, Friendship, Gen, Unrequited Love, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-04
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-07-12 06:41:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7089364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterSky101/pseuds/WinterSky101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chloé Bourgeois knows what love is, and she knows how love ends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loved and Lost

Chloé Bourgeois knows what love is.

It's the way her parents look in the old photo from their wedding day, the way they beam at each other and seem entirely unconcerned by the world around them. It's the way her mother used to smile when Chloé was little and she would ask about the story of how she met her father. It's the way her father would buy her mother little gifts all the time, and her mother would laugh and kiss him and say that he was the best gift she could have. It's the way her parents danced when they thought no one could see them, laughing and utterly unaware that Chloé was watching through the crack in the door and hoping that she would have a love like that someday.

Chloé Bourgeois knows how love ends.

It's the way her parents started fighting as she grew older, yelling at each other viciously and saying things Chloé wished she could unhear, things that would echo in her head no matter how many pillows she piled over her head to block them out. It's the way her mother started spending less and less time with Chloé and her father, disappearing and only returning every so often. It's the way the divorce proceedings went on and on, with Chloé sitting in the courtroom feeling very small as her parents yell at each other about the settlement they couldn't agree on. It's the way her mother disappeared after the settlement was finally decided and neither Chloé nor her father ever saw her again.

* * *

Chloé Bourgeois knows what love is.

It's the way her father smiles at her like she's his entire world, with a look in his eyes that makes Chloé certain that he'll love her the same no matter what happens. It's the way he gives Chloé present after present just to make her smile, dressing her in the best clothes he can find and spoiling her rotten. It's the way he used to let her sit on his lap while he was at his desk so she could pretend to work too. It's the way he will do anything it takes to keep her safe, which is difficult when so many of the akumatized villains of Paris seem to want to go after her.

Chloé Bourgeois knows how love ends.

It's the way her father starts smiling less and less and working more and more, retreating and spending less time with his daughter. It's the way he spends more of his time buying Chloé presents than he does actually parenting her. It's the way he tells her to leave in that exhausted voice when she tries to sneak into his office, not noticing the way her face falls when she does as he says. It's the way he spends less time with her but continues to get her gifts to buy her affection and teaches Chloé how to show love the only way she knows.

* * *

Chloé Bourgeois knows what love is.

It's the way she and Adrien used to play when they were little, their fathers friendly and their mothers friends. It's the way she would force Adrien to have tea parties with her when they were both six years old, and she'd ask him if they would be friends forever, and Adrien would smile and say "Of course we will, Chlò." It's the way she would listen to Adrien when he complained about his father and wished he could go to public school like everyone else. It's the way Adrien would hold her when she cried over her mom, and the way she'd repay the favor when he cried over his. It's the way they would tell each other everything, from the mundane ("I got a new hat today!") to the serious ("Sometimes I don't think my father cares about me at all") to the secrets that would never be repeated on pain of death ("I knew my mother was going to leave before she did").

Chloé Bourgeois knows how love ends.

It's the way Adrien's smile gets more and more strained every time they talk, tension seeping in with every flirtatious advance she half-heartedly makes to maintain her status. It's the way he calls her "Chloé" more and more and "Chlò" less and less. It's the way he blows her off for Nino and spends so little time with her she feels like she never sees him outside of events their fathers put together, where they sit next to each other and barely speak a word because Chloé can't think of a single thing to say. It's the way she knows Adrien will stop giving her chances one day and cut her off, and she knows that she deserves it with the way she's acting and yet she still dreads the moment with all her heart. It's the way she knows Adrien is Chat Noir after all the time she's had to spend with the superhero protecting her, and even though she waits for him to tell her himself, he never does.

* * *

Chloé Bourgeois knows what love is.

It's the way her heart flutters when she sees Ladybug, an occurrence that is far more common for her than it is for most people. It's the way she scours the Ladyblog (not that she'd ever admit it) and looks at every picture of Ladybug she can find, even going so far as to print out a few to put in a journal that she keeps on her bed, under her ladybug pillow. It's the way she wishes she could be an equal to Ladybug, a friend and an ally instead of just a civilian girl she has to save. It's the way she keeps her crush on Ladybug a tightly-bound secret and treats every moment she spends with Ladybug like it's a treasure.

Chloé Bourgeois knows how love ends.

It's the way Ladybug, always so nice to everyone, can never seem to stand Chloé, for reasons Chloé can't understand. It's the way Ladybug can never seem to get out of the room fast enough when Chloé's there, more willing to go out and fight for her life than spend time with Chloé. It's the way Ladybug acts like she's only saving Chloé out of a sense of duty, like she would leave her to her own devices if it weren't for the fact that she's Ladybug and her job is to help people. It's the way Chloé knows that never, not in a million years, will Ladybug reciprocate her feelings because she seems to hate Chloé just as much as Chloé loves her.

* * *

Chloé Bourgeois knows what love is.

It's the way she feels like she's flying when Sabrina looks at her or says her name. It's the way she feels warmth in her chest when she buys Sabrina something new and sees the huge smile that spreads across her face at the sight. It's the way no feelings she has for Ladybug could ever compare to the feelings she has for Sabrina. It's the way she draws on those feelings for Sabrina whenever she has to pretend to be in love with Adrien, because that love she feels for Sabrina is the truest love she's ever known. It's the way she buys Sabrina trinket after trinket because that's the way her father has taught her to express her feelings, and even if Sabrina doesn't know that, Chloé does.

Chloé Bourgeois knows how love ends.

It's the way she very carefully tries to keep Sabrina at an arm's length because she can't open herself up to someone and let herself get hurt again. It's the way Sabrina is scared of Chloé more than friends with her and Chloé can't figure out how to make that stop. It's the way Sabrina is in harm's way as much as anyone else in Paris and Chloé knows that someday Ladybug and Chat Noir may be too late to save everyone. It's the way Chloé thinks she might cry when Marinette manages to turn Sabrina against her and yes, she knows Sabrina deserves better, but she wants to keep her for herself because she's selfish. It's the way Chloé's sigh of relief when she manages to buy Sabrina back with a cute hat is strained, because even if she won this time, she might not the next time around.

* * *

Chloé Bourgeois knows what love is.

It's happiness, joy, warmth that fills you up.

Chloé Bourgeois knows how love ends.

It's pain, guilt, heartbreak like you've never known.

The poets may say it's better to have loved and lost, but Chloé Bourgeois would rather never to have loved at all.

**Author's Note:**

> My writing tumblr is [here](http://winterskywrites.tumblr.com/), if you're interested.


End file.
